Screwed.edu
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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