I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sext me about skeletons
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
