I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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