I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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