guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
