I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
