Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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