so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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