I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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