I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?