I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I will be naked everywhere
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot