3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you made out with another girl for some wings
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..