True but thats because hes a fetus.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
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I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
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Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.