Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.