Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
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Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.