I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
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Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
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My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed