Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?