Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
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I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick