i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He did a backflip because drugs
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