his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
