so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
