I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
