I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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