drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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