But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
