then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
