we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
