Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
