oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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