i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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