btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize