She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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