hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
