I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
