I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hippo gnu deer
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize