So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
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You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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