I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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