Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
