just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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