EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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