He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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