yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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