I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
