Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
