I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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