A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just high enough for therapy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
