Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize