Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
