Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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