"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think i have two assholes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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