you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
