I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
