And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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