oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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