JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
