it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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